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By Suzette Haden Elgin

This can be the second one in a sequence of books, which provides the main strategies and abilities for controlling language behaviour in one's own existence. It explains the hidden meanings of silences, physique language, expression and tone and it indicates tips on how to get on a persons wavelength and the way to talk a persons language.

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Nobody will listen to such stuff for long unless they literally have no choice. Far more dangerous is the Blamer who is not so obvious, because you won't automatically ignore what such a person says to you. A major clue to Blamer Mode is the constant use of words such as always, never, only, everybody, anybody, ever, not even once, and so on. Listen carefully-is the person you are talking with behaving as if every sentence were part of a permanent covenant etched in granite? If so, you may be dealing with a Blamer, and you should be wary.

Hostile challenge) (Silence) (hostile nonresponse) 28 Back to the BasIcs Another possibility is the full-speed-ahead interruption, like this • "You know, I'm disgusted with-,. " And finally, there is the negotiation for another topic, like this: • -I know you are; and I'd like to talk to you about that. But right now I'm so mad about what happened at work today that I can't think about anything else. " When I run through this set in seminars and classes, people ordinarily show one of two emotions.

Whereupon, WIFE abandons her topic instantly and 30 Back to the BasIcs supports his topic. They are now going to have a conversation about the salt shaker until HUSBAND decides he wants to talk about something else. We can switch the genders here, if the wife is the dominant speaker-it will work just as well and be just as rotten as an example of conversation if the man proposes the housing market as topic and the woman goes roaring past with the winning salt shaker. Both arrangements are possible; both are common.

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